How do you accept things you cannot change or control?
Life is full of surprises, and there is rarely a simple answer to any question. In fact, many people eventually find that the solution is never about finding the perfect answer, but rather dropping the question altogether.
From our childhood, society conditions us to believe we can control our lives. We are taught to behave in a certain manner and to follow the well-worn paths already taken by those before us. Unfortunately, this societal pressure rarely allows an individual’s consciousness and curiosity to grow.
To understand this, we first have to ask: How do you accept things you cannot change or control? or control, and why does this question even arise?
When a person tries to do something on their own—something that hasn’t been done by the people around them—they feel like they are stepping into the unknown.
Stepping Into the Unknown
Take, for instance, the many first-generation entrepreneurs working incredibly hard today to build new businesses. While some have mentors to guide them, most rely solely on their own willpower and vision.
The beginning of any project always seems promising. But then, life strikes—and it strikes hard. We tend to think that because we are working hard, the results should automatically be in our favor. In reality, countless people are working just as hard, and success depends on many different factors.
When things don’t happen the way we want them to, hopelessness creeps in, leaving us stranded in unfamiliar territory.
The Heavy Blows of Reality
In this phase, a person’s vision becomes blurry, making it impossible to see the distant future. Life feels incredibly difficult because nothing is going according to plan.
The first few blows of life might not impact a person’s will very much. However, constant failure can push someone toward desperation, and sometimes even depression. When hopelessness and depression arrive together, it feels like a Dementor sucking the life right out of you. Your vision gets foggy, and the horizon is completely blocked from view.
In this unknown territory, many people just give up and turn back. Only a few—the ones who go on to do great things in life—find a way to move forward.
Finding Wisdom in the Fog
At this point, a person has no choice but to accept the reality of life exactly as it is. But right here, in this acceptance, wisdom begins to sprout.
When the distant view is foggy, you must focus only on the present. Look at what is right in front of you, and take the few steps that are actually visible. Trust your process. Even if your hard work hasn’t borne fruit yet, if your determination tells you it can be done, keep going. Moving forward is the only direction you can go; there is nothing left for you in the past, and the future doesn’t exist yet.
The only place you can truly be, and the only place you can take action, is in the present. Take baby steps if you have to, and don’t be ashamed of them. Think of track cycling: getting the bicycle moving from a standstill is incredibly tough, but once it gets going, the speed it can reach is unimaginable.
Accepting the Unpredictable Nature of Life
Learn to live by this simple mantra:
“This too shall pass.”
Nothing in this life is constant. Things are always changing, and you have to keep poking at your destiny to make room for your fortune.
Accepting the things you cannot change comes with experience, knowledge, and wisdom. Ultimately, nothing in life is truly in our hands. If we look at life from a macro-perspective, we have all witnessed death around us—sometimes taking people who were at no fault at all. What does this mean? It simply reminds us that we can leave this earth at any second, and we have absolutely no control over it.
Because of our societal conditioning, we walk around believing we are the ones in charge. But difficult times and failures make a person humble. That humility eventually turns into the deep wisdom required to completely understand the answer to the question: How do you accept the things you cannot change or control?